Don’t we all want to be happy?

Don’t we all strive to be successful? Don’t we rely on the latter to become happy?

We want success because ultimately, it will make us happy. This is how we see the “final destination” of our own “success story”. The problem is that the longer we see it that way, the further we are both from success and happiness.

Success is not a prerequisite of happiness. However, happiness is the prerequisite of success.

Speaking of success: the best measurement of it is your own scale. Once you understand what is true success for you, you will have a better goal and more power to achieve it.

Are you going to become a happy person once that goal is achieved? No. You may feel satisfied. You may enjoy fulfillment. You may be excited. But happiness doesn’t come with achieving your goal. Happiness is what drives your achievements, and here’s how:

• Happiness helps you understand your real self. Happiness starts with understanding yourself, seeing your own journey as a unique wonder, not a bad copy of someone else’s life. Happiness starts with acceptance of everything that makes you the person you are, and gratefulness for all that you have.

• Happiness helps you set the real goals. Little is more disappointing than achieving the purpose that is not yours. You may fall a victim of stereotypes, somebody’s experience or your own imagination, and spend your time and energy on something that makes you “successful” in the eyes of others, but totally unhappy. Ask yourself this question “What is success FOR ME?” and answer it with an open heart. This answer will give you real goal and satisfaction with your life.

• Happiness empowers you. I’m sure you’ve already experienced it. When you are happy and when you really enjoy what you’re doing you are way more productive. You thrive, you find way out of any situation, you are full of energy and determination. Nothing can stop you. When a toddler is learning to walk, she undertakes a tremendous task. She fails and falls, but never gives up. A toddler is naturally happy, every challenge is exciting for her, and she works hard to achieve success. So can you.

• You have to love the tough stuff. Oh my god, this is a powerful one. Freelance business doesn’t come easy: it’s full of challenges, doubts, boring routine, immense responsibility, and tasks that cannot be delegated or negated. You have to accept the whole package if you want to succeed. Do you have to struggle? Struggling won’t get you far. You have to LOVE all this tough stuff. Take it as a good indication to find the right occupation for you. What does the job really involve? What are the toughest parts of it? Do you love doing them? Can you learn to love doing them? When you love every tough thing about your job, you are happy with the job. When you are happy, it’s easier to love all the challenges. Either way, you will achieve success through happiness.

Happiness comes first.  Of course, achieving your goals is not the only benefit of being happy. Seriously, does anyone even needs to count benefits of being happy? Isn’t this state the highest benefit in itself? Another great thing is that when you’re happy you don’t worry that much about achieving you goal. Even when a lot – acknowledgement, income, team success, etc., depends on how you perform, your own happiness is there regardless of the outcome of your work.

When you make your success a prerequisite of your happiness, you raise the stakes too high. I see many people procrastinating, avoiding their work, not aiming high, because they are afraid to fail – meaning they will not have a reason to be happy. They compromise their success, because they need that success to make them happy. When your happiness is unconditional and your success is nothing but a matter of choosing the right things to do and getting them done, it becomes so much easier to achieve anything you target at.

You might have this question by now: “Why does it sound like I need to be persuaded to be happy?” Everybody wants to be happy, no reasons required. We don’t choose to be unhappy. Oh, wait. Actually we do.

Happiness, as well as unhappiness, is our choice. Our responsibility.  We can’t choose what happens in our lives. But we can choose what we feel and think about it. We can choose how we act, what we say, how we respond in every situation. In fact, we do choose it every time.

Happiness does not suddenly and dramatically happen to us. We build our own happiness with small choices every day. With a smile, with a deep breath, with a decision to let something go, with respect and love: small routine things cultivate our happiness. We choose those things.

Chose wise, be conscious, opt for happiness. Your personal success will follow.